My daughter and I had a great afternoon together the other day. We cleaned the laundromat and car wash, then went for a drive. She got her learner’s permit last summer. It had been awhile since she’d done any driving and the weather was good.
We drove around town, and she did well. I wanted to take her to McDonald’s for a hot chocolate so we could just sit and chat, so we headed out there.
My daughter is in ninth grade, which for me is a nice formative age. She’s working things out on her own, and while they don’t always go the way that I’d like them to (fondness for expensive things and fancy coffee drinks), all in all she’s a good kid. In the right moment, she’s receptive to having deeper conversations, and often is open to the wisdom and advice that I share with her.
That day was one of those open moments. As we sat at McD’s drinking our hot chocolate, we talked about what it means to do a good job. At the laundromat, her job was to vacuum and mine was to follow with the mop. As I mopped, I noticed areas that had been missed by the vacuum cleaner, mostly where a chair or garbage can had to be moved out of the way. It’s a pattern that I see in both of my kids when they have to do things that they don’t want to do, like cleaning.
My daughter and I have had many recent conversations about the importance of school, college and work. I emphasize the soft skills like communication and critical thinking as being important for employers. At McDonald’s I emphasized caring.
I think that caring is critical. When people care about what they do, it shows. Even if someone is not the most talented, when they care to do a good job, the best they can do, it leaves a trail. I told my daughter that it’s like good work leaves fingerprints.
Caring is one of those things that is difficult to teach. For most, it’s a trait that you either have or don’t. As far as I know, all I can do is demonstrate it by doing it myself and hope that the message gets through.
Sometimes it can feel like life is a big race. We move quickly from one place or event to the next, trying to get as much experience as possible. Caring takes us on a different path. Caring is taking time and not rushing. Caring is making sure you get everything done, and then checking your work to make sure that you didn’t miss anything. When there is constant pressure to keep moving quickly, we can’t do our best at what it is that we’re doing.
I wrote here about how life is actually long, and not short, as many of the common expressions tell us. Because it is long, we don’t have to try and fit everything in all at once.
I’ve managed people in many contexts, and in some ways, parenting is a form of management. In a work environment, training is provided to teach some skills. There are other skills that people are expected to bring with them. With regard to my kids, my wife and I are their primary trainers. If anyone is going to teach my kids how to care about doing a good job, it’s us.
That’s a big task. I don’t have any great insight to know how to do it. But I care. I know how important it is, so I’ll make sure that we do everything in our power to give them the necessary lessons. Hopefully they have ears to hear.